Thursday, April 3, 2008

Runs With Scissors

I'm not very careful.

There, I admit it. So, if you wonder why I named this blog what I did, well...read on.

There was the time that I used a heat gun to soothe my sinus pain and melted my mascara of my top and bottom lashes together making the opening of my eyes scary difficult. Or the time that I was hiking with my "boyfriend", now my husband and I stooped to view a caterpiller floating on a leaf in a murky green bottomless pit of a puddle in a rock quarry, sliding on the algea right into the "puddle" that was about 8 feet wide and indeed bottomless (my camera, strapped to my belt, never worked quite right again) I sank up to my eyes before I thought to dog paddle and yelp "help". Or the time I burned a blister on my cornea with a curling iron, (ohhh that was an exspensive one - eye doctor and all) or the time I superglued my thumb and wrist to a plastic wallbin at work, The self-hazardness proved genetic that day, as the staff worked to remove the cemented wallbin from my skin (ouch!) when my daughter then 15 or 16 was outside watching a thunderstorm roll in and lightening zapped the ground traveling to the metal storm door as she entered the house and jolted her arm. Convinced she was electrocuted, she called work to see what she should do, but I could hardly take the call, glued to the wallbin. oh, the others they laughed. At home, her brother and sister were snickering. I felt her pain.


Electrocution: hint, don't stick an electrical cord into the wall socket and the other end into your mouth. That is bad. No matter how tempting the cheese ball mixture is on your electrical cord - kids, don't try this at home. Yep, I did. I was making a cheeseball - in a hurry, to take to a dinner party after work. I had an old handmixer whose cord was detachable and it being old, kept detaching while I was mixing. I wrapped it around my wrist and held it in place while I mixed. When finished, I had this wonderful cheese mixture splattered on my hand and thumb. I started tasting it. (I didn't lick the beaters!) I licked my wrist, my thumb and then the cord full of cheese, I stuck in my mouth. As I saw a bright white light, so very bright...my teeth started to chatter and I thought to myself, this can't be good. It wasn't. I pulled it out. Convinced that my teeth and lips would be black, I ran to the bathroom mirror to see. Nothing. My lips still tingled. I better tell someone - in case something happens like a heart attack! I was alone, but I heard my husband shoveling snow in the distance, so he must have just arrived home. Embarressed, but a little scared, I yelled, "Babe, I electrocuted myself". Cold, I shut the door and waited. Nothing. "BAAABE, I electrocuted myself". Still nothing.

It took him a good 5 minutes to come check on me. He was shaking his head. Obviously, I was fine, not burnt up...perhaps my brain was now fried. It's a thought. I know he thought it.


The list goes on I am embarressed to say. So now you know what most of my freinds and family know about me. I don't think and multi-task very well. And I can't be stopped. In my family, we are a little dramatic so this exaggerates any and all problems.

Stay tuned. I'm sure if you wait it out...another story will be on the way!
New mixer - the cord firmly attached - encouraged by my children.

4 comments:

chelby said...

Jackee,
You are a hoot!!! I will catch up when I have more time, but you are Fabulous!!! Mention Cybil in your blog!
Hugs,
Michele

abbie said...

Sparky123what about the bleach?? you didn't mention that??! haha
bean

Carbon Based said...

I hope thats not an inherited trait.

Robin said...

Oh My! I am pretty clumsy, too. In our house, if something is unbreakable, un-stainable, or can't injure you, it is deemed Robin-proof. However, I do not have a single story that even Touches any of yours. I guess that makes me a run of the mill, boring klutz. But you appear to be the Queen of not funny at the time, but Very funny later mishaps. Great blog…I will be back!