Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Catch UP

Isn't if odd that you can be away from home/office for only 3 or 4 days and the work PILES up?

I've been out of town on business for a few days, flying home late Saturday evening. The weekend before that was my birthday celebration (s) {Thank you family, thank you church ladies-remind me that tequila will te-kill you. Each.and.every.time}
I'm so very behind with work and chores from home so if you stop by this here blog expecting my jovial old self. Sorry. Just know that I'm mopping floors, doing laundry etc.

The weather is turning colder the leaves are ready to turn and soon I'll be stuck to my PC like glue looking for something to do, something to inspire me, as you all do. OH, and I'll be snapping pictures with my long lusted after digital camera (Nikon D40) that my family purchased so that I might commence to memory every.odd.detail.of.our.lives.

Promise, next post will be some snaps I took this weekend with the Little Miss.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Fun Fact Friday-The Birthday Edition

*24 short hours and I will enter into a new decade. I’m searching for a damn snappy title. Like a theme-the Decade of Song, The Decade of Laughter, The Decade of Anti-Wrinkle Cream, The Decade I Host My Own TV Talk Show, The Decade of Cheap Wine and Beer Farts. Which one do you think will win?

*Today the lovely staff of the entire medical center dressed in black-mourning for my lost and misspent youth I imagine. They also featured a surprise Mexican menu buffet. It was really supah.

*I still have not received my crown/tiara.

*I ate more than 1200 calories for lunch ONLY. I guess that means Sugar Free gum and water for dinner tonight!

Subtitle: Little known Facts from the First 50 years.

*I was hit by a car while crossing the street to school one morning when I was in 2nd grade. I was rushed to the ER, where I hadn’t suffered any serious injury and my cool older brother (4th grade) used this opportunity to tell all that were concerned that I had several broken bones and perhaps a near death experience. Cool way to turn a situation around Joe! My class made me Valentines that started out to say “Dear Jacquelyn, Sorry to hear you are almost dead.” I saved them for years, they were great.

*I was quite the entrepreneur growing up. My BFF and I often tried to sell different homemade projects to raise money for an often coveted item. We sold coffee cans of freshly pulled grass to feed to the pony in the pasture behind my house. (Clue: not a very successful money maker) One of my favorites, was when we dug through the trash, finding all kinds of glass bottles, (ie: shampoo bottles, salad dressing etc.) and soaked off the labels, filled them with food coloring and water and RESOLD them to our loved ones and neighbors. Hence we are both still gainfully employed with retirement far on the horizon.

*Most of my childhood and adult life, I have always had long or shoulder length hair. Once, the summer before 5th grade, I got it chopped off , much lik the very style I wear now (look over at the picture in the sidebar) I seriously thought I was sassy and sexy with this sleek new do. Until my dentist appointment, the doof Dr. thought I was my older brother! Um, started growing it out from that moment and until my early 40’s wore it shoulder length or longer. Could have been the lack of boobies. Still waiting for those to grow in.

That’s enough random crap about my first 50 years so far…notice I left out my single years/my teen years/LAST YEAR! HA!!!!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Crown Me!

WANTED: Crown and Sceptor (new or slightly used) for use at 50th Birthday Celebration.

So, If I have to turn 50 years old on Saturday - Do you think that this is too much to wear during dinner with my family? After all, I plan to be the Queen of Middle Age!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Doughnut Distress

It was still dark in the kitchen when I came down the stairs, packed my lunch and prepared my coffee to go cup and all of a sudden my early morning eyes spied: a flat box of almost fresh doughnuts. (heavy organ music, dunt, dunt, dunnnnnnn)
Almost fresh because they were purchased at a bakery late last evening by my lady friend who asked me how would I like to celebrate my birthday. (I replied sitting with a tiara on my head, a bottle of tequila on my lap eating doughnuts from a box) So, they bought me an assortment of bakery doughnuts, a bottle of tequila and we celebrated.

But this morning, the lure of the doughnut remains is strong. I had one. (one the size of TEXAS) Then I triumphantly packed up the gooey remains and brought them into work, setting them in our staff lounge to taunt others.

And they are doing a fine job.

Seems I’ve gained a few pounds my readers. I knew it. I didn’t want to face it, who does? My shirts and suit jackets were becoming snug so I got on the damn scale.

It’s starting to piss me off. Gaining weight, sweating like a naked steam room guy all night long, chin hair - I BLAME this being 50 thing! (aging what a hoot!) But since I can’t turn back the hands of time , nor can I continue to be only photographed from the neck up(only in my mug shot) I will not, I repeat not wear a size 14 when I turn 60, I guess I better get serious about this diet and exercise thing. I think I’m just talking/typing aloud today in this blog because real life is a series of pieces that are not all that interesting nor fun. All’s I got is three or four closets of clothes that are now approaching snug.

New leaf. Starting today. Back to 1200 calories a day. If you don’t hear from me it’s because I’ve snacked on my mouse or keyboard. Come to think of it, my mouse pad does look good!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

As The Channel Turns

I’m Baaack…did you guys miss me while I was gone? I’ve been a little under the weather it’s true. Started last Saturday with the sore throat and sniffles, and wiped me out on Sunday with fever, body aches and full blown head cold. Today being Thursday, I’m on the road to a mucous free life and whoa…I get slammed with a migraine. (Did I mention it being the MOTHER of migraines?) I thought my dark migraine history was over or at least stunted by my onset of menopause or OLD AGE, but I was proven wrong today.

While I was laid up in my Lazy Boy, complete with sweat pants, comfy blankie and a Nyquil buzz I spent the afternoon channel surfing. Moving my thumb over the remote’s channel button took up all the energy that my aching body could exude, and I was basically disappointed with the weekends television picks. I normally love bad T.V. There, I’ve said it. I can be judgy, I can opinionate myself into oblivion with bad T.V. It doesn’t move me to get up and dance, exercise, clean/organize my home, cook or makeover my kitchen or girlfriends. I got stuck watching Jon and Kate and their brood of energy packed cuteness, flipping the channel back and forth, forth and back between A Crime Story. Note to self: Never let home decor become so out dated, so drab and messy that I might actually be
A. Driven to murder
B. Suspected of murder
C. Be murdered.
Seriously, have you ever noticed in a crime scene photo, everything is so messy, the furnishings so outdated, pillows don’t match, beds are unmade, dishes are strewn everywhere, it’s a sign of mur-der. Red rum, red rum, red rum. I always knew there was a reason to keep a tidy house, but couldn’t put my finger on it. Looks better in crime scene photos.

Ok, after my fifth consecutive CSI episode, I flipped over to TLC, expecting Kate and her sassiness or Clinton and Stacey to show me the fashion “don’ts”, but no way, I got a newer show. It’s Kids by the Dozen, featuring the Winter family.

Drawn out of my snot filled coma of antihistamines, my eyes wide with reality disbelief, this family has 11 or so kids, their family is supported by dad who is a musician and mom runs a daycare inside of their home. In reality show fashion, each character tells an unseen camera person their “take” on the situation. The mom, tells why they are all dressed so weirdly. (think cult style Little House on the Prairie meets Amish) She tells, “we started to dress plain a few years ago, we live near an Amish community and we just like the plain way of life”. She tells this, as she’s using a curling iron to curl her hair. It’s not like they were going to BE Amish, they just like to dress like them. Weird, not the eleven kid part, because that was joyful and entertaining, but the kinda-dressing-Amish these-days-attitude. I was glad to be well, back to work and DANG, I’m waiting for that new fall season!

Have you seen the trailers for the new show with Simon Baker called the Mentalist? OOOHHH baby, he’s on my list! Something has to replace the now cancelled vampire hotness that was Moonlight. That guy was HOT. Seems like I just start developing a crush and they cancel the series. Hope that isn’t an automatic cancel now that I’ve voiced my desire to watch the Mentalist. (check it out!) Enough of my t.v. ramblings, seriously, I ‘d like to hear about the garbage that you’ve become entranced by.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Bluetooth meets Head Cold

Blue Tooth Operator: Please say a command

Me: Call Dan Mobile

BTO: Did you say call Nan Noble?

Me: No

BTO: Did you say call Non ooble?

Me: No!

BTO: Did you say call Da Nodile?

Me: NO

BTO: Please try again later.


BTO: Please say a command

Me: Call 2195555555

BTO: Did you say call TEW ONE dime fibe fibe bive fibe fibe VIBE fibe?

Me: No

BTO: Did you say call TEW ONE fime dime bive fife vibe fibe fibe?

Me: No

BTO: Did you say call TEW ONE nine fibe vibe bibe bibe fibe fibe?

Me: no

BTO: Please try again later.

Me: Achew! Could use a Kleenex about now.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Rain, The Day, and Me

Well, well my friends, again I take a day off work and AGAIN , it rains. Now it is a much needed rain, so I am not one to curse a blessing, but like, couldn’t it wait until say, Friday, when I am back safely tucked inside my office, with no hopes of frolicking in the late summer’s sunlight.

So, my plans awash with the overcast light, I had really scheduled the day off to commit myself to a consult with a hand surgeon on the cyst that has plagued my right ring finger-mid knuckle for about eight years. Eight years of wiggling the tiny pea like cyst back and forth, painlessly, fiddling with it as if I could magically hide it under the muscle and suddenly, very suddenly in fact, I started to feel sharp pains shooting up the nerve in the finger. Only when I wanted to grasp my hot coffee mug, book tucked under my arm, something or other in my left hand, to suddenly feel this sharp pain and loose the strength of my tight grasp, coffee cup now askew sending dollops of hot brew onto the floor, did this bother me, even slightly. A few weeks ago my knuckle swollen and red, my little cyst friend was really acting up, so much so that it kept me awake at night, pulsating. I scheduled this consult to see what he could do, knowing he would want to whack it off, but hoping he could recommend some nice cyst-be-gone cream to rub on it.

So, I’m driving up and down the side street off Broadway in a professional complex, searching for this surgeon’s office, nearly late. I found the office, barely being able to see through the rain soaked windshield, the drops started to pelt it faster and faster. I love me some time off.

The good dr. took a fascinating x-ray, determined that he would like to try to aspirate it, and froze my finger, poking around in it, trying to burst the cyst. It would not cooperate with this plan. I have to schedule another day off, to have it surgically removed, if I want to, but he recommends I do so while it’s still small. Trying to type to all of you has been a challenge, but one that is well worth it!

So, I’m out of said appointment at around 9:30 a.m. A long rain soaked afternoon stretching before me. I decided to pay Sears a visit, because my almost new front loading washer is malfunctioning; only using the very hottest of water in both the wash/rinse cycle of any cycle that you choose. This is wrecking havoc on my fine washables, deeply imbedding wrinkles into all of my slacks that will not be ironed out! I found the ladies at Sears so helpful, and scheduled a home visit for the washer repairman. With this task accomplished, I pondered my next move and fought but did not win over that loud inner voice “Back away from the sales rack lady”, I heard in a tone so unbecoming a true “lady” shopper.
“Back away and hand over your debit card”!
“Um, no”, I replied. And then I sashayed away with a smart pair of bronze shoes (reduced to 9.99), a nice new pair of black slacks and a blouse with satin, cut out flowers around the rounded neckline. Oooooh. And I bought another smart outfit at another store, and then at another store I bought a pair of my favorite pair of pants on SALE for $17, but when I went to pay for them, I got another 20% off just for stopping by on a rainy day. My day is shaping up! I bought a few items for Christmas gifts, as I am prone to do, to fend off the guilt only shopping carnage can bring, by stocking up on gifts for others, it works, don’t knock it, and then I headed for the car. Except I had to walk by the book store to do so, the very book store that I still have a gift card for (Thank you Adam, I LOVE it) and as one addict supported by an enabling son is prone to do, I bought more books. OK, my husband just said last night that I needed to donate some of the stacks of books that are piled in double rows in my bookshelf, but I didn’t want to tell him that those are the very stacks that I have not read yet. I’m waiting for a rainy day.

I bought only two books, one about a 40 year old woman who can’t have a child and her husband has an affair and gets his mistress pregnant, and the other a book about two sisters, who are conjoined twins! Drama!

I came home and tried on the clothes I just purchased. Perfect fit! I checked the tags, and damn, sure enough, they were made in CHINA! (read prior post! I told y'all so!) I tucked them away, carefully hidden in the closet (so as not to attract the attention of the clothes police, my husband, the sergeant of THAT police force) and in celebration heated up the left over carton of Chinese chicken fried rice and ate while reading the first two chapters of the book of sisters…this is really shaping up into a self indulged “me” day.

After I finished chapter three and a Hershey bar that I’d been saving for S’mores, but decided to forego the graham cracker and marshmallow accoutrements, I felt a teeny bit guilty again, so I washed the bathroom floors. I almost swayed too far left and cleaned out the medicine cabinet, a job that I have not attempted since we have moved into our home, a mere eight years ago. (awe come on, you go check the dates on your jar of Vicks, come on, I’ll wait, I bet there isn’t an expiration date ON it – we’re good here for another year or so) While waiting for the floor to dry, I decided to post this day’s journal of sorts, duties then all done, except for the nice dinner I’ll prepare, and then I’ll just read the rest of the day away. (And dream of my conjoined twin sister, no less) tah tah.