Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Are You "Right" for Me?

I have a long, arduous history with interviewing candidates for various positions in the organizations that I have worked for. I have studied personality quirks, took a semester or two in “Reading In-Between the Lines” and “How to Read Body Language” (part one and part two – one in normal behaviors and one in psychotic!, came in handy once or twice)
But here’s the deal. It’s really like shooting craps. I have a set of dice in my desk drawer that I roll every time I want to make an offer to a prospective candidate. There are so many things I’d like to ask, things that are not relevant to the job at all.

Me: What’s your favorite color?

Me: Who cuts your hair?

Me: Describe to me your relationship with your mother.

Me: Are you pregnant? (Thinking of becoming pregnant?)

Me: If you cross a penguin with a pelican what do you get?

Me: Coke or Pepsi?

Me: On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, what do you think of my new shoes?

I’ve thought about it, and feel that it is STILL a crap shoot. Everyone (including moi) puts on a happy, intelligent front when interviewing for a position that you relish. We all “fake” it somewhat and embellish our tiny accomplishments and assets. (Although I recently interview someone who embellished her assets with a tight purple sweater and push up bra, let me just say The Girls were in Line)
I’ve tried all types of questions to bring out a best in a shy and quiet type. I quieted the loud and aggressive types. I’ve made some cry when I ask a simple “from whom have you learned the most?” (two people to be exact, so I quite stating it that way)
I’ve had some come in, shake my hand, and then announce, “Hi, I’m So and So, I’m a religious fanatic”. SWEAR!
I had one woman come for the interview and hawk a book she was writing on line, told me that she would wait while I read a bit of it. Um, not at this time.

So, I go for a round in the next month or so of trying to fill a newly created position and I’m up for the challenge. Ready as pie. In I’ll go with my Tarot cards and Ouija Board. I’ll light candles, offer coffee and perhaps a massage. Still, all in all, I’ll toss the dice in the end.


Sarah said...

I would be very interested to know what they thought of your shoes.

JackeeG4glamorous said...


Why???? Are there something wrong with my shoes?

Carbon Based said...

I had my manager (younger than me) try to blow some smoke up my arse the other day. He asked me about my career path. I looked at him and thought a moment and I said "andrew I'm not on the career path." He frowned, I continued "I've arrived, I like what I do, I'm very good at it and I can't see any reason to do something else." He didn't know what to say.
Then he preceeded to tell me that I'm a engineering lead, which I laughed out loud because I'm the only one on shift, exactly who am I leading?

Kids these

JackeeG4glamorous said...

Carbon based: Sounds like he was looking to shift some "leadership" duties your way so he could have some free time. (I know that trick)

We must all face it some time, a Job is a paycheck in our lives. Our lives begin and end without a career-if we are lucky!

My Wonderful Men said...

You are funny! I got a good laugh from this post.

People are crazy and have no idea how nutty they look when trying to make a first impression.

Robin said...

You are too funny. I am considering working part time and hiring a nanny to care for little Micah. Just the thought of finding someone worthy scares me to death. Maybe I should just shoot craps with them!