Sunday, May 11, 2008

It IS What It IS

I have searched the blogs this week (ok, Friday and Saturday) for inspiration regarding the Queen of Hallmark Holidays, Mother’s Day.

Between the new mom blogs and the whining and complaining of the Dysfunction Junction that is what has become of mature mother-daughter relationships, I’ve only found one really inspiring. You can view it here, and it’s original intent was not that of a Mother’s day blog, but of a birthday tribute. {This blog author has breast cancer, has a new baby, and has lost her own mother from breast cancer. God Bless you.}

The one continuous theme generated from blogs dedicated to Mother’s Day, and in rants dedicated to relieving insults we tie to the feelings slash interactions with our mothers. We see young mom’s spewing tips and tidbits about adorable toddlers and we hear about a few good relationships with moms vs. now-grand moms, and then we hear the ordinary. The angst that is Mother and Daughter.
We are disappointed, we are angry, hurt, lost, resigned. We smolder, put up, vent, and blame. There is a lot of blame and guilt associated with a relationship that comes with NO INSTRUCTION! It is held up on a pedestal as the most worthy in our lives (the whole birth deal and all) and yet, we all have one. So Common.
Yesterday I ran into a middle aged mom of three young adult sons. Her baby had flunked out of college after achieving a full ride scholarship, and she was taking it hard. With tears welling in her eyes she told me, “Where did I go wrong?” as if his failure were hers. So much of ourselves are lost, are invested, in our children when we become mothers, and hard as we try, we cannot keep a portion for ourselves without feeling guilty for having done so. When we try to remain separate and non intrusive, we are viewed as uncaring, cold or selfish even. When we try to offer assistance or remain intertwined in their lives we are nosey, clingy and obnoxious, bossy even.

As mom’s we revel in their glory, and feel every ache of their failure. We want to hang on to them, and we want them to leave us the hell alone for G’s sake. Momdom is definitely a double edged sword of sorts.
As kids, whether adult, teen-aged, or toddler, we never "give it up" to our mom’s. We never give them enough thought or credit that they deserve, unless it’s for screwing us up. As adults we tend to blame instead of realizing it takes a village to raise an idiot, and as responsible adults, it is our own responsibility to search and find the cure for all of life's errors. Including that of our parent's mistakes. Yet we hold moms accountable for their share of mistakes, for their inconsistencies and inadequacies because THEY ARE OUR MOTHER’S, JEEZE, and they should be what I have in mind.
It is what it is folks.
Honor and love them today, for everything it means to you.
I love you Mom, Happy Mother’s Day.

Here is a picture I found this morning of my mother holding a much younger me on her lap at an aunt's house, I had't seen this picture for a very long time, it's been hidden in a small chest on my dresser. Funny that it jumped out at me today! P.S. that thing on my face is an inperfection in the picture I couldn't photoshop out.


Tessie said...

That is a great picture!

And a great post. So true. Thanks for sending it. I hardly barfed AT ALL :)

Robin said...

Great post! Happy Mother's day Jackee!!